My room smells like vodka and shame
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
