I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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