**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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