In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
