its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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