Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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