Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
