Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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