I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
