She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
