Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
