Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
