please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
