Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
