I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
