very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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