did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
