so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dick very happy bro
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
