so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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