i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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