Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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