he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
