I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
