do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
