who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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