Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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