last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
