Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
