Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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