And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
