Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
