He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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