um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
