the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
