3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
