I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
