I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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