Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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