I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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