Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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