I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would ride that face into the sunset
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
