i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
