I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
