I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
