I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
