last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
