it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
