I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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