I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
