I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my liver is dry heaving
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
