He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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