He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
