you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
