Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
