saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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