things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
