How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
