the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
