The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize