that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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