You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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