I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
