I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
