She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
