Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
