This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
