I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
