Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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