Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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