Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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