I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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