She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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