i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
