i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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