Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
