WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
