I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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