i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
