Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
