We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
