just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
