i wish my penis had a tongue
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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