Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
