I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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