If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
