dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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